oh..my Lent

Well.. we are what? Fourth week of lent and I have fallen off the wagon for sure on a few things..((only I have 15mins. to write this before I have to log off so bare with me)

But again I am surprise as of how God has chosen a Lent for me... It was before Lent that I lost our baby girl and its during Lent that It has been hard .. I guess any time of the year is hard.. But this time its very hard. Yesterday , I was asked twice (no fault of them, since they didn't know I lost the baby ) how is the pregnancy going and do I know if its a boy or girl..They felt really bad about it after I told them, that we lost our baby but it still hurt me not b/c of them but b/c facts are facts and truth is We lost the baby. I look at my four beauties at home and some how I miss our Marta even thu I never saw her face but in a way I have.. I see her in the other girls, I wonder all the time would she have dark hair like babymums.. or Blondie hair like Blondie? Will she have been a 8lbs or 9lbs? when was her due date really have been? who would of been her godparents? Oh.. it just goes on and on.. But than I stop myself, actually my Guardian angel stops me and I think.. I now have 2 not just one but 2 angels in Heaven already in the arms of Our Lord!

Thats my goal.. getting them in Heaven.. I wonder thu if this is it..and I would really like not to be but at times, I feel that God is going to think other wise and that I have to love what I have.. I am mean really love them and help them grow to be what God has call them for.

Oh.. How many have die as I'm writing this? How many have push their little hands out of the way of knife , kicking and screaming for their lives and no one hears them in the womb?

May God have mercy on Our World and Soul..