A post that I was hoping not to write again. But God's mercy and love is so bigger than my little world that knowing that if we unite our greatest sufferings with His, we are somewhat worthy of the true cross which might bring us a living happiness = eternal life.
Few weeks ago, I sadly learn that our sweet baby boy did not make it pass 13 weeks yet my body once again, was not showing any signs of it. I had my 15 weeks check up and once again, my biggest fear became my reality , no heartbeat, no movement, no baby.
I really couldn't believe that I was living this nightmare again that I had just felt that I experience with Benedicto not too long ago. I really thought that my Easter Miracle that I had written about was a baby I was going to hold for a very long time.
At first, I just want to get it done with and move on and have a D&C but after a day or so of reflection, and knowing that we were not going to get a body to bury here, I decided to have labor so that I can have a tiny yet very big in our hearts, baby to give what everyone unborn at least deserves if they don't make it: a burial.
So I went in on June 20th and on June 21th deliver a perfect tiny baby boy, Juan Diego. So missed .. So wanted.. So needed! But in God's perfect plan there is always peace when let in that plan into ours.
Our Dear Fr.John, came to visit bringing me : Christ and also two relics, one of the true cross and one of that day's saint: St. Aloysius Gonzaga
I was able to reflex on that day's Gospel which was Matthew 6:19- 23 and what stood out for me that I knew Jesus was talking to me at that moment in time was:
20 But store up treasures for yourselves in heaven, where neither moth nor woodworm destroys them and thieves cannot break in and steal. 21 For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be too.
I know that I also have my sweet four treasures on earth and those four treasures in Heaven who are giving Glory to God.
As my husband and I were eating our lunch after we went to the doctors before the labor, a lady sat right behind me with these on her shirt that is and will always be my moto:
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28So now I give him to the Lord.1 Samuel 1:27-28
Our children are not ours, they are God's and God's alone. He only grants us time with them, may it be seconds, months, years, but we should always give them to the LORD.
I reflect that why I mourn the lost of my child, that I bury my child, that I was chosen to mourn and bury for the lost of millions and millions of children lost to abortion. God was calling for me for something greater than I ever knew I was able to do. With God, nothing is impossible.
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Thank you for your prayers.